What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
