i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
