So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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