Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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