Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
