Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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