Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
