i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
