Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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