I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
