Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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