Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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