Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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