Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize