Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
