What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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