I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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