Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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