I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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