Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
