Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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