She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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