I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
