I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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