There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
