We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
