Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
