she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's paint friendship bongs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
