I want to walk on stilts...naked
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
