I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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