Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
