just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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