I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
