i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
