this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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