so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
