I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
