yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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