I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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