my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
