Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
