He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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