i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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