Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
