If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
