Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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(647): View more from Ontario

I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up

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(360): View more from Washington

drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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(416): View more from Toronto

Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career

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(713): View more from Texas

He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance

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(614): View more from Ohio

at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.

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(845): View more from New York

I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth

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