Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They took my balls.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize