im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
