the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
