It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
