i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
