Your face is a jimmy john
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The adults are the big ones right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize