is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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