Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
