Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
