Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
