Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
