she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
