My first STD was from a foam party
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
