dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You can't motorboat a personality
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
