You're my little dorito
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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