M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
