apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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