gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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