I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
