um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize